why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
