I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
