Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
