i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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