is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
