sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
