Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
