Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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