You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
