i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
