I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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