24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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