chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
