pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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