i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
