can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Randomize
