so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
