rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
