I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
