Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
