I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
