honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
