I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
