you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Can Purell be used as lube?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
