I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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