We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
