Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
