if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
