He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
