He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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