The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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