There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
