It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
