i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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