apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
