I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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