# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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