4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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