im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
