end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
