I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
