Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
