so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
