I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
