think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
