I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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