she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
