i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
