Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am one with the molecules
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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