duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
