he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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