Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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