she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
