it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't turn off my feet"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
