i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
